by Vicki Blue

If two people want it, why not? And judging by the growing interest in domestic agreements that the dominant partner within a relationship permission to levy rules and punishment to their submissive mate.

For most errant minors, spanking is met with fear. But for many of us our earliest reflections on spanking wasn’t apprehension but fascination. I can still remember being at a seaside shop while on vacation when my aunt pointed out a figurine of a matronly looking woman holding a bare-bottom child over her lap. The child’s face was frozen in a ceramic grimace while the face of his disciplinarian wore the look of firm resolve.

My aunt had found the stature merely amusing and quickly wandered on to other things, but under the guise of wanting to check out some ceramic fish, I kept returning to the shelf that held the little statue. My seven-year-old mind couldn’t stop thinking how great it would be if that little piece came to life - if only long enough for that hand to fall on that chubby, upturned rump.

I was too young then to analyze my infatuation with the subject of that five-and-dime artwork. Now I know that it was just a symptom of a deep psychological desire for punishment that has been with me for as long as I can remember.

Although I’m not in the majority - even those with a spanking fascination will admit it is odd by “normal” standards - I’m far from alone. The desire to spank - or be spanked - is so prevalent that it’s gained some mainstream acknowledgement. Older movies and historical novels often featured scenes of strong-willed heroines getting their comeuppance over the knee of an authoritarian hero. And while Dominant Man as Spanking Hero has been replaced by Sensitive Hero Not Afraid to Cry, the new political correctness hasn’t stopped spanking from seeping into public discourse. A few years ago, Madonna wrote a whole song about it called “Hanky Panky” and just a few nights ago actor Jim Carey made a reference to spanking during an interview with Jay Leno. Spanking as a kinky, erotic past time barely even raises an eyebrow these days.

But among the chatter of spanking as a sexual spice has come whispers of those who say, “Yes, spanking us sexy. Yes, spanking turns us on. But it’s not enough. We want to move beyond the act of spanking into the system that makes it so fulfilling in the first place - a dynamic based on the principles of loving relationship built on a foundation of rules backed up by discipline.”

Over the years, those whispers have grown to become a voice and that voice that has given a name to that system: Domestic Discipline, or DD.

Those who make up that collective voice will readily admit that while they still hold an erotic fascination for spanking, there’s something about being punished that’s psychologically satisfying as well - even if during the act we’d rather be any other place. During the pain and shame of a disciplinary spanking - when we’re wailing over the knee of our partner - even those (like me) who invite or agree to such a system will find themselves regretting the decision. But afterward, when the burning pain ebbs to a dull throb and the punisher explains in loving tones why it was necessary, the submissive partner remembers why they wanted it this way in the first place. For they know that ultimately no one could ever come as close as their dominant mate to making them feel loved, protected, nurtured and excited.

And for the dominant partner the rewards are there as well - even if they regret having to be the heavy during their mates period of over-the-knee distress. But even before the tears have faded they know that their errant partner didn’t just earn that spanking - he or she needed that spanking.

But where erotic spanking is widely accepted, the idea of a couple entering a system that lends acceptance to allows one partner (usually the man) to spank his mate (usually the woman) for correction - not pleasure - isn’t seen as healthy, sane or acceptable in a society trending towards egalitarianism.

In a society where women are offended if a man opens the door for them, the notion of a man having the power to spank his mate isn’t likely to catch on any time soon.

So what are those of us who desire to live this way to do? Don’t let society dictate your relationship dynamic.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for equality of opportunity. But I’m also for the rights of individual couples to decide what works for them without the Relationship Police stepping in to tell them how it should be done - whether it’s an egalitarian being lectured by fundamentalist Christians who say a man must lead to a dominant/submissive couple being told by feminists that no one should have the upper hand. Just as a DD dynamic wouldn’t be for everyone, an egalitarian dynamic isn’t for everyone either.

So if a DD lifestyle is what you desire, the first step is to ignore all of those who would tell you how wrong you are for wanting it.

The second step is to find a partner who wants the same thing you do, for if DD is to work it must be by mutual agreement. Just as an egalitarian relationship wouldn’t work if one partner refused to see their mate as an equal, a DD relationship won’t work if one mate is turned off by the either being dominant or submissive.

As a submissive partner in a DD relationship; I consider myself one of the lucky ones. Even though we didn’t really realize it on a conscious level, when my husband and I met ten years ago I believe it was my naturally submissive tendencies and his naturally dominant ones that formed the basis for our mutual attraction. For us, DD wasn’t something we planned - it just happened.

But it hasn’t always been easy. There were many times when living this lifestyle left me with more questions than answers - questions I worked through by communicating with others who lived this dynamic. That communication led to several years worth of writing as a form of personal exploration and therapy - writing that has had the positive side-effect of helping others. Now on the urging of my friend Bethany of Bethany’s Woodshed I’ve decided to take that writing a step further by putting a collection of my work together in book form.

Those who read this book looking for a roadmap to successful DD may be disappointed, however, for it’s not meant to be a how-to, for I’m not an expert. The only credentials I have to offer come from a decade in a happy DD relationship.

What this book is meant do is offer beginners some insight into this most satisfying lifestyle while offering a glimpse of some of the challenges that may arise. It’s insight I would have appreciated myself when I first started out a decade ago on a journey that doesn’t just work for me and my husband but many others as well.

While I do address the challenges faced by dominant partners in DD, the book is mainly written for women, although issues facing the dominant partner are addressed.

It may disappoint some readers that the book doesn’t include a full chapter on how to get your partner to enter a DD lifestyle with you. The reason is because it would be silly to fill an entire chapter with the only word that can make it happen: communication. Suffice it to say he won’t know unless you tell him what you want and why you want it. And it won’t work unless he wants it too. Much more has been written on how to get a guy to spank you - some of it so ill-advised it’s a recipe for disaster since it’s based on more on game-playing than honesty.

This book assumes you’ve talked to you your mate and you’ve already begun to live a DD lifestyle that builds on those principles of honesty and communication - which is the only way this or any other type of relationship can succeed.

Copyright © 2007 by Christian DD Group.