FAQ for Christian DD

by Chula

1. What is Domestic Discipline?

Domestic Discipline is a lifestyle choice in which the husband is the head of the household and the wife submits to his authority and discipline. This discipline usually includes spanking as well as other consequences for certain behaviors determined by the couple. Though every couple practices DD in slightly different ways, the common threads include leadership based on trust and the acceptance of consequences by the submissive partner.

2. Is Domestic Discipline all right for Christian couples?

The Bible says “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble whatever is right, whatever is pure whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent and praiseworthy think about such things.” Philipians 4:8 If Domestic Discipline is a good thing for a marriage and does not go against Biblical teachings, it is fine for Christian couples.

In 1 Corinthians 7:33-34 we are told, “But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world- how he can please his wife – and his interests are divided. ... But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband.” The Biblical expectation is for the couple to work together to please each other. If Domestic Discipline facilitates this and does not go against other teachings, it is acceptable.

4. How can I tell my husband that I want to try DD?

After much thought and prayer, introducing DD takes time and patience. The bringer, whether the husband or the wife, must examine the relationship and make sure that it will be enhanced by trying DD. There must be total trust in the man's ability to try his best to lead and the woman's ability to try to support him in his decisions. We can't expect perfection from either side, but each person in the couple should be willing to give it his or her best efforts.

Some couples come to DD out of desperation. They've got very little left to loose and will try anything. Other couples are happy enough, but one of them wants more. With respect and trust, the bringer can lay out the reasons why s/he would like to try DD. Some people print out articles on DD from the internet, while others write out letters to explain what they want and need.

Beginning with the problem or desire is helpful. It makes it clear to the hearer why he or she should pay attention and give this some thought. The reason may be as simple as, “I've read about something that I really want to try because it sounds so right to me.” It may be as serious as, “I know our marriage is on the rocks and I'm willing to do anything to save it. How about this?” Whatever your reasons are, it would be a good idea to lay them out first, so that your partner knows this is something important to you. It's a good idea to go slowly at this stage, especially if the person being brought to DD seems reluctant. Biblical passages about wifely submission are plentiful, so that can provide a start. (See Ephesians 5:22-33 as one example.)

The next step might be to explain that Domestic Discipline depends on love and trust between two people who both want a peaceful, loving home. Many couples around the country and around the world live in relationships where the man is the head of the house and has the responsibility to back up his decisions with consequences if necessary. Those consequences usually come in the form of a spanking, though that's not always the case. The model idea that the husband is the head of the household (HOH) is found in the Bible, so there should be no problem there. (see Colossians 3:18-19)

It may help to emphasize that each couple finds their own way of doing DD. There are no hard and fast rules that will work for everyone. Some couples experience spankings often, while others reserve them for the most serious incidents. Some families use discipline to curb specific behaviors while others use it to improve the general attitude and atmosphere of the home. However each couple decides to do it, DD can help couples communicate in a timely and meaningful manner.

Another point to discuss is that one of the main goals of DD is communication. Any couple who practices DD will find it necessary to be aware of each others thoughts and needs in a way they may never have thought possible. This is one of the most important “selling points” of DD, since it is one of it's biggest benefits.

It is important for the person who wants to introduce DD to remember that these ideas and requests may be a shock to his or her spouse. It will take time and patience to explain and respond to questions and issues. No two people react quite the same to the thought of spanking or being spanked, taking or giving up control, or living in a different way from the way they have always lived before. The trust and patience involved are enormous, but vital to any marriage. Talk, talk, and talk some more, but not more than the person can bear at one time. The end result will be worth all the hard work.

There are several more in-depth articles on how this can be done. Vickie Blue's site is a great resource for folks wanting to read more, about this and many other topics. Though not written specifically for Christians, the site is tasteful and modest. Try the link http://www.vickiblue.com/essays/tellinghim.html for more information about telling your husband for the first time. There are also forums that let you meet other folks online for ideas and support. They may not be specifically aimed at Christians, but they will be very helpful. There is a Christian forum on Spankspots that has some great information and support. Follow the link: http://www.spankspot.com/forums/forum.html for instructions on how to register. Please note: you will see some tasteful nude pictures at some of these links. They are illustrations and decorations only.

5. Am I just weird or what? Why do I want to be spanked?

No, you are not weird and you are not alone! There are plenty of us out there who have this need for spanking and discipline in our lives. God made you uniquely who you are. There can't be anything wrong with that. We all have God-given talents, passions and traits that make us different from each other so that we can serve Him in an incredible variety of ways. God made everyone different for His own divine reasons. Who are we to say that what He made is wrong?

As for the second question, there's no simple answer. Some ladies grew up without limits and need them. Other ladies grew up with limits and feel comfortable with them. Some ladies feel the need for discipline while others were introduced to the idea by their husbands, and don't want to be spanked at all, but still love their DD marriages. It's a great topic to discuss and explore, but there are no firm answers.

There are many places in the Bible that talk about how useful corporal punishment can be in improving human behavior, so we know that God has nothing against this idea. How much you and your spouse need and want is a matter of prayer and discussion between the two of you.

For further reading, see: http://www.vickiblue.com/views/michelleview.html

6. How big a part does submission play in DD?

This is different for every couple. For some, submission is vital. The wife is trying to grow in submission with love and the husband is trying to be a good steward of that trust she is placing in him. For others, the idea of submission rarely comes into the picture. They may focus more on attitude, specific habits or peace in the home.

It's the definition of the term “submission” that is the key. For our purposes here, we take submission to mean a loving gift given by a wife to her husband. She shows her trust in him by accepting his leadership and supporting his decisions, even when she may not agree. We do not mean that she has no opinions of her own or acts as a doormat. The wife following her husband's servant-leadership in growing love and commitment is the ideal for marriage that DD strives for.

7. Should spankings be for discipline only?

Opinions differ on this point. Each couple must decide for themselves after prayer, consideration and a lot of communication what they think about the issue. Many couples enjoy spanking as a part of their sexual relationship. Just as a person might eat some foods for enjoyment, but eat other foods just because they know those foods are good for them, so spankings can be either enjoyable or extremely unpleasant.

There are some ladies who hate being spanked, no matter what. In that sort of situation, the use of non-discipline spankings would be a very delicate matter. She might make the effort to go along with it just to please her husband. Hopefully, he would do other things just to please her. That couple would have to work out a complex set of factors to reach a satisfactory compromise.

Other ladies love fun spankings where they would still dread discipline spankings. Just because a woman likes to be spanked in fun or for sexual pleasure does not mean that she cannot tell the difference between that sort of spanking and a serious discipline event. Believe me, there's a world of difference in the mindset of various types of spankings and that's the key: mindset.

Just starting out in a DD relationship, some couples choose to have certain signals so that no one gets confused as to what type of spanking is happening or what the husband means by his spanking. Some couples reserve a particular implement for punishment only. Others have a clothing signal, say a certain t-shirt that the woman will wear for discipline spankings. These signals can help the wife know what her husband is thinking, especially if he is new to DD and does not feel comfortable talking openly about what he is feeling or why he is giving the spanking.

8. How long does this take? What are the qualifications that make a marriage a DD marriage?

There are no definitions, hard and fast rules or magic formulas to tell you when your marriage reaches a finish line, where you are finally a DD couple. There is no “Happy DD Marriage Land” where you can stop working and everything will be fine. DD is for each couple what they need and want to make it. It always takes work and effort, with prayer, patience and love.

Just like the Christian life, there is never a time where you can just coast. What you can do is relax and just let things happen at their own rate. God will lead you where He wants you to go when He wants you to get there. It's so common for us, as humans, to want to rush Him and tell Him when something should happen and how. One of the hardest things to do is wait on His timing and pray, but that's what we have to do.

We do all we can, while still remembering that it is God who will make it all happen, whatever is going to happen, in His time.

This is just a start on the questions. If you have a question you would like to see answered, please send us an email. We'll either tackle it ourselves, send you to a place on the web where we've seen it addressed, or both.

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