by Bethany Burke

(Note: This essay was written as the introduction to Vicki Blue's "A Spanking Good Relationship," an eight chapter non fiction book available through our Lulu Store. This short introduction essay was written by Bethany for the book at the time of publication. However, we thought that its points were so important for women who are exploring this lifestyle to consider, that we asked Bethany and Vicki if we could run this introduction as a stand alone essay. Chapter One of the book is available free on our stories page.)

When Vicki Blue and I originally chatted about compiling some of her essays into a book on Domestic Discipline, I joked that we should call it: “So You Think You Want a Spanking?” Although Vicki prevailed with “A Spanking Good Relationship” I sometimes still think that my flippant title would have been a better choice. A lot of women, looking much like the Church Lady on Saturday Night Live, would answer my question with a rather affronted, “No, I don’t WANT a spanking – I just NEED spanking.” Ten years ago, I probably would have said the same thing.

I have been writing erotic spanking stories for more than fifteen years, and have been owning and operating spanking and other erotic sites – mostly for women – on the Internet since 1998. I have found through this time that a good share of the women who seek out information on this topic (including, no doubt, a lot of women buying and reading this very compilation of Vicki Blue’s essays) have not come to terms with their erotic interests in spanking.

A domestic discipline relationship between two loving partners can be a wonderful thing. As Vicki asks on her site, “Is this the key to an orderly household?” Yes, absolutely, it can be the key to an orderly household. It can bring you much closer to your husband, bring peace to your family life, and make you feel freer than you ever dreamed. But there is no doubt in my mind that the absolute corner stone to a domestic discipline relationship is FIRST coming to honest terms with one’s erotic interest in spanking.

It’s easy to understand. For all of our society’s supposed liberated attitudes towards sexuality, a woman who openly acknowledges a sexual interest like this still feels a bit beyond the “pale.” If you’re like me, you hid your interest, (understanding full well it was NOT something you could talk about with your mom) from the time you were very small. And as adults, we’re left with what appears to be a fairly straightforward dichotomy: get spanked to maintain “household order,” and you’re a good obedient wife. Get spanked because it’s kinky and you love it, and just maybe you’re a perverted slut.

If you typed “spanking” into a search engine, you’re erotically interested. Period. If you’re on this site – I’ve got news for you – you’re erotically interested. And the women who continue to deny this interest, who couch their fetish (and that’s what it is) under a guise of wanting to be an obedient wife, are destined for trouble. I can say unequivocally that I know numerous women who have what I would consider “successful” DD relationships, myself and Vicki among them. And we share one thing in common. Without exception, we have all come to terms with our erotic interest as well. If you do not acknowledge this – in fact, embrace it - your DD relationship is doomed to failure.

Why? Because if you’re “using” DD to fulfill erotic spanking fantasies, then DD can never work. Many of you will be using information in this book, and material you find elsewhere, to explain this “system” to a husband who may not have a clue about it. He will, understandably, cast it using the framework he understands best: that of childhood punishment. But if you’re using DD to “get” something you’ve wanted for years, which is erotic spanking, the very thing that is supposed to be “punishment” becomes “reward.” And if you set yourself up from the get-go as needing to misbehave to get spanking, it’s easy to see a rather bizarre cycle beginning. And begin this cycle does, in all too many marriages that go down this path. The wife is forced to “brat,” misbehave, and act up to get the spanking she wants, and many couples give up DD because the very thing that was supposed to improve the marriage makes it worse,

Let me reiterate something I said above: If you typed spanking into a search engine, you are erotically interested in spanking. If you bought this book, you are erotically interested in spanking. That does not mean that you are not ALSO interested in having the kind of household DD can give you; I assume that you are.

But all of Vicki Blue’s very sensible and cogent observations will NOT help you have a happier home if you go into the entire concept of DD without an acceptance of the erotic side. Trying to convince a husband to spank for DD if he has refused (or will refuse) to spank erotically is invariably a recipe for unhappiness on both partners’ parts.

Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your partner. It’s OK to want to be spanked. And once you’re comfortable with that, then give the idea of DD a good long look. It just might change your life and your marriage.

Copyright © 2007 by Christian DD Group.